4th Trimester yarns part 3
See part 1 and part 2 to get the run down on the first parts of this blog.
This is a continuation of discussing factors that can impact the 4th trimester experience.
Parents often feel confused about the 4th trimester, the experience can be so different from parent to parent, so in this series of blog posts I am endeavor to highlight factors that people often don't think of when it comes to why the 4th trimester differs from person to person.
Baby health conditions
Some babies require more care than others in those early days, for example preterm babies, or a baby with a heart condition or reflux or colic. All these things impact the 4th trimester experience because the extra care and worry that goes into this time for parents, at an already exhausting time is HUGE.
Sleep needs of parent and baby
Believe it or not, we are all different, and we all have different sleep requirements, for example, some parents function extremely well off 5-6 hours sleep a night, whereas other parents need more like 8-9 hours a night, and really struggle to function off 5-6 hours of sleep in a night.
Babies are often the same, and in a sleep training culture we are often taught that babies should be having X amount of sleep based on their age, and while there is evidence to support that babies do need more sleep when they are younger, sometimes the hours given are the average sleep totals for a baby’s age. This means a baby may fall outside of the “norm” here and figuring that out as a parent can be a tricky process without adequate guidance. That process alone can be a lot, but then we also need to take into consideration different pairings. For example, a parent who has high sleep needs paired with a child who has lower sleep needs than the “average child” and things may get tough pretty quickly.
Siblings and other children
This has a large roll to play, with your first child there are minimal other distractions, when you have a newborn and a toddler you are trying to feed a newborn while stopping a toddler from splitting their head open while they are jumping off the back of the couch. Okay, that is an extreme example, but you get the picture. Siblings can impact the 4th trimester both ways, sometimes parents report it is lovely to have an extra set of hands, while at times it more than doubles the workload.
Pets
Case and point my dog….she kindly barked and woke the baby up multiple times a day, and this definitely made life made more difficult for us at times. Or maybe you have a goldfish that is easy care BUT having that extra thing to do of feeding it daily and cleaning the tank weekly is just extra added pressure. On the flip side pets are incredibly beneficial for children to grow up with and studies have shown growing up with a pet helps decrease allergy risk later in life.
Mental health of parent
This is a big topic, I will keep this brief. If a parent is struggling with their mental health, then it can make the 4th trimester more difficult, there is no shame in this, asking for help from visiting your GP or contacting a local provider for private support is worth it’s weight in gold.
Support network
This is a HUGE one. Having a support network that your family is close enough with that they turn up, empty the dishwasher, make you a cup of tea, run the vacuum around and then prep veges for dinner while you feed WITHOUT being asked to do any of that can be a gamechanger.
Having food dropped to the door without having any pressure to come in. Often, we live in different areas to our support network which these days mean we have to make our own villages.
Partner/co-parent support – This can be a big one, the amount of support primary caregivers have in and around the home can impact dramatically on the 4th trimester experience. Some people have co-parents home for weeks after the arrival of a baby, others only have them home for a few days. Some people have a partner that works 50-70 hour work weeks so isn’t able to help through the day and needs to sleep at night. Some people are single parents. Some people have a partner that has flexible working hours and works from home so can juggle work around the primary caregivers and the child(rens) needs. I think you get my point here, enough said. We can’t necessarily change our circumstances, but it is nice to reflect on them and realise that some situations create more pressure on the primary caregiver than other situations.
Financial situation – this can be such a large stressor for families and can create extra added pressure in an already overwhelming time.
Let me know if you have anything to add to the "factors that impact the 4th trimester" blog post series and if you enjoyed it!
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